just call Joe

I'm thinking of calling 1-877-JOE-4-OIL just to see if ole Joe Kennedy himself shows up to fill up my oil tank. That commercial I saw last night for his "citizens energy program" had him carrying the oil truck hose up the walkway to some poor lady's house. He was even wearing sturdy work gloves!

Here's what I want to know: After he finished hugging that poor lady and sopping up her Camelot-worshiping gratitude, did Joe Kennedy tell her where her tank full of oil came from? Did he mention that he got that oil from the power-mad, America-hating, Marxist dictator Hugo Chavez, who's been Kennedy's South American sugar daddy for the last three years? That guy makes me miss the CIA.

Let me get this straight—I'm not allowed to have any of those tasty hand-rolled cigars I like so much because there's a power-mad, America-hating, Marxist running Cuba. But I'm not only allowed, I'm encouraged every night on prime-time television to call Joe so he can personally deliver a load of Communist oil to my front door. That doesn't seem fair—but then those sneaky Kennedys don't play fair. Just ask Richard Nixon!

I think Joe Kennedy should get back to work cleaning up my Hudson River and quit petro-pimping for his good friend Hugo Chavez. In the meantime, though, I just may give Joe a call. Times are tough and I guess I wouldn't mind filling 'er up and putting it on Hugo's tab!